Sunday, February 23, 2014

The not-so-perfect me!

“Children show scars like medals. Lovers use them as a secrets to reveal. A scar is what happens when the word is made flesh.”
― Leonard Cohen

I was a bit disturbed from last few days about something which is just so superficial, but then something that means a lot to a girl! Let me begin from starting

Few days back someone commented on my tattoo that its fading and is no more clear. I, I said may be, but I love it.

There had been so many incidents where people asked me about why dont I let go off my mole, why am I getting so many pimples suddenly and all that crap. I always ignored such nonsensical things till one day when, someone commented "You would look perfect sans these dark circles". And I, this time I went mad. Dude, you say anything negative about a girl's look and she might not sleep for days. Come on accept it, we girls are really insensitive about our looks. That's bad and shallow and hollow and superficial and blah blah,  in a way, yes! But we cant help it, we are wired that way. We are made beautiful and we love to feel so:)
Anyways, so I got very disturbed. Finally after a lot of turbulence, torture, stress and hullaballoo from my brain, I decided to just finish off  this whole chapter! It was me, who was allowing my brain to unnecessarily nurse this whole stupid thing!

I thought to scan every imperfection of mine, to put it clearly in front of my mind and then, ask it if it feels bad about all of them!!!

Starting from my first tattoo on my right ankle. Its of an angel:) Beautiful one! But the colors have faded now, its no more beautiful, the lines are not clear but its still an angel and I love it.

The tattoo of flying birds implying freedom on my right wrist and the Om tattoo on my neck backside, have also started fading! And will look a kind of ink bolt on my skin in next few years. So, am I suppose to feel bad about them? No... I always felt proud of them. They are a part of me and will always be!

Now, lets count the scars. The first and the most prominent one on my left cheek where there used to be a mole and I got it removed. And it left a small souvenir for me to remember it: a small scar:)

A scar on my left hand, which is a memory of my dog. The story is same, boring one! I was somewhat 11-12, took my dog, Doxi out for a walk and the guy got excited seeing something and pulled me really hard. I fell down badly, and my hands refusing to leave the chain got me this scar. A bad one though.
The ones on my knees. Oh, these  have more than one story behind them! From falling while playing in school to somebody nudging me to fall to falling from a table to falling from my two wheeler. All these made the scars on my knees darker and murkier.

The scars/ wrinkles on my feet toes have a very absurd tale! They are the outcome of the extreme cold of north. My toes had this habit of swelling up like crazy in winters there, despite wearing 2-3 pairs of socks! And then, in summers after coming back in shape they use to have those weird wrinkle kind of thing. Yeah, those wrinkles are still there.

A mole right next to my nose, few birth marks are just an add-on to the list

The extra piercing on my ears. As I wear earring only in one, the other one looks like an open hole.  And yes, people have told me about that as well!

The marks of few pimples on my right cheek. They look bad, I know but I never cared till one day someone told me they look awful.

Those wrinkles that have recently started prevailing, thanks to my growing age:) 

My dark circles! Ahhh, they are epic man!!! The attraction that they have been able to get from people around me is tremendous:) Actually sometimes, I feel they really help me to get all the attraction that I get from people around me. I dont know. Just a thought. But they have been a part of me since long and they never bothered me much, until the day someone really made me feel that how terrible they make me look! Ahhh, I dint sleep for days with that thought and dude, not sleep made them worse!

Phew, its a long list of imperfections!!! Now am I supposed to feel bad about all of these imperfections? Am I? I asked my mind. No answer... I asked it again... No answer. But I went behind it in exactly the same way as it does whenever its in the mood of troubling me! I pestered it again and again and one fine day, my mind replied. It said ,"No, you are not!" And I was sort of relieved.

Later, I rebuked myself a bit for deliberately searching and finding things to hate in myself. But it proved to be a good exercise. I know my imperfections now and I don't hate them:) Nobody can point out a new and unknown imperfection and make me feel bad about it:) I know them all now and I am kind of settled with all of them:) They don't bother me much now

Just that do not listen to what people say about you. Believe me, most of them out there simply love to make others feel miserable. They get a sort of sadistic pleasure in that. They love to make you aware about your imperfections: Physical ones, mental ones and emotional ones. But if you are aware of all of them already, its really easy to deal with such assholes who love to pull people down.

And I promised to myself that I will never ever let anybody, yes ANYBODY let me feel down ever again.
I am proud of what I am in every little way, because if I know my imperfections, I even know my perfections and they both when meld together make an amazing combo and thats me:)

Cheers! And keep smiling and never let anybody let you down.


2 comments:

  1. It is all about loving ourselves, that's it...other peoples' opinion has to stop mattering....becoz negative or positive both kinds of comments have a way of hurting ur feelings...I have a bunch of ugly scars ( I am old, u know)but the most prominent one is on my arm...i don't hide it nor am i self conscious abt it becoz it is a part of me...it comes with the package...I am attractive, acceptable as a whole package...take me as I am or buzz off :))

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  2. Yep... Agree Riddhi:) It feels awesome to take ur scars as a possessions and making them a part of you actually:)

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