“It was not the feeling of completeness I so needed, but the feeling of not being empty.”
― Jonathan Safran Foer, Everything is Illuminated
I wonder why do you feel so empty at times, completely empty: from inside and even from outside! You just don't feel like talking to anyone or seeing anyone. You feel like rebuking the whole world, asking them to go and mind just their own business and stop bothering you! And when everybody leaves you, you feel lonely, you feel alone! You want them to come back, come back to you and fill that emptiness which like a slow poison makes you weak, feeble and frail.
“There's just something obvious about emptiness, even when you try to convince yourself otherwise... ”
― Sarah Dessen, Lock and Key
Because this is emptiness is weird... You just don't know the reason for it or you don't want to know it: whatever... But yes, this emptiness is weird... Its strange or rather creepy! It starts killing you from inside, starts destroying you from within. You know that but then, you are helpless... because you are just unable to fill any emotion, any feeling! You are just out of thoughts... out of opinions... out of views! You have no smile, no tears, no pain, no happiness, no laughs, no howls! You have nothing left to fill your heart, to fill your soul!!!
Your brain, heart, soul, every part of you is just empty, empty like those utensils from which everyone has taken off their share of food and left them behind to be cleaned, so that they can be reused for making fresh food, can be emptied again, can be cleaned again and this cycle of using and cleaning gets repeated, repeated until the utensils gets wear out, their layer becomes too thin to take on more heat. Then? You throw them, dump them into a corner of your house or worse, you just give them off!
At times, I feel those animals who gets hibernated in winter times are damn lucky! I wish, even we humans had that option of getting hibernated in the gloomy and dark season. Or in fact, I at times feel that how peaceful it would be to leave this world behind and enter into a new world with no obligations, no compulsions, no emotions, no strings attached to anyone, you are not bound to think if the world cares for you or if you care for the world, there is nothing! Or perhaps, sleep forever, sleep peacefully where nobody disturbs you. I wish we had that option of switching on to that mode whenever we wanted to! Going into a mode of being breathless, into a peaceful sleep and coming back to life whenever we wish to! It would have been like taking a break. Because whatever you do, how so ever good break you take while being alive, you can never get rid of your affection for everything around, your affinity toward emotions. In the sleep, without breath, you would have no option of keeping them with you because all the organs that make you feel alive: brain, heart and everything else would also be dead with you. It's like switching off the plug of your breath, you heart, your mind and your soul and then, taking rest! A peaceful rest!
Moving again to the world of emptiness,
Which is full of solitude and darkness,
Waiting desperately for the dawn to break,
Waiting for the blue color to get painted,
Painted and cover this huge black canvas,
With the color of hope and joy,
Wish I could close these eyes and give them some rest,
Wish I could give a break to these breaths,
Till the dawn had taken over this darkness,
Taking away even my heart's emptiness,
Leaving behind a soul full of hope,
And a heart full of joy...