Monday, November 4, 2013

Jealousy



I often hear people labeling Jealousy as a bad trait. I mean from childhood, we are being taught and fed about the huge difference between two kind of things. Yes, good things and bad things. Everything in this world is divided in just these 2 buckets: Good and bad! And generally Jealousy is being dumped into the later category.

But is it really that bad? Now, you will very conviniently answer "it depends on the situation". Yes, true. It really depends on the circumstances and the situation where one feels jealous. But isnt it a normal human trait? Isnt it something that is wired into our hardware? The quantity depends on  individual to individual.

But wouldnt you think about the other side of jealousy? You feel jealous when someone you love goes around with someone else or cares about someone too much or even if someone takes care of them. Yes, you feel jealous. Why in the world is that considered so wrong? It simply means you love the person so much that you just want him for yourself. You care about him to such an extent that you dont want to share them with anyone else. Now, whats wrong with that? Would you feel jealous for anybody walking on the road doing the same? Or fine, lets take a more refined example. Would you feel jealous for even your friends going around with someone? No, you wont.
 Then, feeling jealous for that someone special is natural. I can bet it and even saints can be tested for that and it just indicates that you love the person too much to let him go to someone else. Period!!!

BTW, I am not here trying to defend the whole jealousy thing. Just trying to show the little good and cute side of it. And over-doing of anything can spoil the whole stuff. Jealousy is actually like salt in food. A little can enhance the savor but too much can spoil the taste.

So, keep it nice and sweet because a real relationship has fights, trust, faith, tears, pain, arguments, patience, secrets, jealousy and love. So, feel jealous, just dont let it kill your relationship. Jealousy is actually a sign that shows how much you care or love someone:)

And BTW, even the person on the other end feels good and enjoys this jealousy because isn't it always good to know that someone is afraid to lose you?

Yes, I feel jealous
And I admit that
I feel jealous of every girl 
That talks to you even for a single second
I feel jealous of every girl 
That makes you feel special even for a single second
I feel jealous of every girl
Who mattered to you even for a single second
I am jealous of every girl 
That hugged you even for a single second
'Coz for that one second,
She had the feel of my entire world
'Coz of that one second,
My whole world revolved around her
But as they say, if you dare to fall in love
Jealousy is surely the first casualty

This is what we are...

I have 2 cute younger sisters. And as they are growing up, I am bound to notice so many similarities that we share. Actually, on widening my approach, I could see some or the other part of me in every girl I know. And I thought I am different! hahhh... Such an illusionary thought you had gal!

Anyways, guess there is a set of qualities that every normal Indian girl inherits. There is a set of things that you will find all of us doing. Somewhere or the other, we all are same. Yes, we are!

At teen age, you will find us extremely shy but also, audacious enough whenever required. You will find us clutching the books in our hands with a backpack, looking down and walking on the road quietly towards college.

You will find us giggling and laughing with our group of friends. You will find a quest in us, a crave to see and feel the outer world. You will see the bright sparkles of our dreams in our eyes. You will find us dreaming about our bright future more often. You will find us locked in our rooms, disconnected from the outer world, for our studies.

You will find us watching DDLJ, Pretty woman, Runaway bride and many other romantic comedies again and again, sitting on a couch with tears in our eyes feeling the exact pain of those lovers getting drifted apart. You will find us drooling silently over Sharukh Khan, Hugh Jackman, Jude Law and all the hot hunks out there. You might also find their postcards/ pictures hidden inside the covers of our books. You will find us having a new crush everyday. You will find us loving someone discreetly. You will find us writing his name with all the hearts and decorations.

You will find us helping our moms in the kitchen for every single meal. You will find us keeping fast for the well being of our family. You will find us visiting temples and doing all the pujas religiously. You will find us shaking a leg over hard English numbers secretly in our rooms. You will find us watching cricket, tennis or football with our dads or brothers and enjoying it immensely. You will find us pampering our siblings to the limit of spoiling them. You will find us loving our families like nobody else.

You will find us blushing to know about someone who likes us. You will find us chuckling on getting teased. You will find a tender innocence in us.

You will find us making sacrifices at each and every step of our lives and not making a hue and cry about it. You will find us getting married to the man accepted by our families. You will find us fulfilling each and every wish of everyone in our families. You will find us getting emotionally connected with everything in our homes. You will find us doing things to woe people around us. You will always find us making attempts to keep everyone smiling and happy.

You will often find us feeling alone and lonely. You will often find us thinking about this strange thing called marriage where we are sent away from our parents. You will often find us cribbing about this injustice. You will often find us craving to go back to our old lives, to our families. You will often find us crying in the nights silently. You will again find us smiling next day. You will find us hiding everything behind our smiles.

You will find us giving ourselves totally to the person we love. You will find us doing all sort of weird things to make and keep them happy. You will find us creating our world around them.

You will find us getting successful in our careers. You will find us creating such an amazing balance between our families and work. Still, you will find us unfulfilled and unhappy with everything around. You will find us often wondering at our lives.

You will find us longing for love. You will find us yearning for respect. You will find us looking out for someone who would love us wholeheartedly. You will find us often searching for something. You will find us discontented. You will find us moody. You will find us intolerable at times. You will find us craving to get free. You will find a passion in us for flying and touching that blue sky. You will find us staring at the sky in dark nights. You might often find us unreasonable. You will find us jealous. You will find us envious at times.

You will find us doing things for ourselves too. You will find us reading one of our fav books. You will find us shopping and spending all the salary on something we really liked. You will find us wearing our fav pair of jeans and tee. You will find us wearing different and weird colors all over. You will find us going out with friends for a drink. You will find us screaming, shouting and dancing on one of the theque's floor. You will find us giving a damn to the world. You will find us confident. You will find us doing things that we love.You will find us looking straight into the eyes of the world.

You will find us brightening your day with a giggle. You will find us pampering you and loving you. You will find us everywhere. Yes, this is what we are, this is who we are!

She is shy,
She is bold,
She is loving,
She is caring,
She is tender,
She is tough,
She is conventional,
She is contemporary,
She is simple,
She is flamboyant,
She is calm,
She is loud,
She is lovable,
She is harsh,
She is sober,
She is gaudy,
She is gentle,
She is strong,
She is innocent,
She is matured,
She is a woman,
Filled with beauty and warmth

Sunday, November 3, 2013

At peace with myself

Finally I am relaxed!

Yep, was going through a very stupid phase of life. Actually I should say was going through a torturous phase. I am now, kind of out of it.

At times, I feel is it my crazy brain that creates this hallucinations of "bad" phases? or these phases are a reality? I mean why in the world would my 'own' (hope so!) mind create such delusion to torture me? But anything is possible with me...

I always describe myself as a very strong person who hates to reveal things going inside her mind, heart and life to the world. I am truly a champion in hiding all the thoughts and emotions behind my cute smile:) But still there are few devils in my life who can see beyond that smile!!! Its both a blessing and a curse. Blessing because I am lucky to have such caring people around me for whom I, my feelings and my emotions really matter. Curse because dude, they kill me/ torture me till the time I don't reveal the complete reason to them! And I hate to tell all my inner feelings to anyone because at times, they are evil, cruel and make me sound so obnoxious!

Guess, the problem with me is I am very stubborn when it comes to feelings and emotions! I just hate to settle down with anything less than what I deserve. Yes, I am quite an adamant crazy creature when it comes to relationships.

People generally give me this advice of "not expecting anything from others". I mean, oh yeah? Really... How do one do that? Not expecting anything from people whom I love? Not expecting anything from relationships where I give my 100%? How and why? Is'nt this a fallacy? Come on, I am not a saint, I am a normal human being with bones and flesh and normal human tendencies. Is'nt it a human tendency to expect? And so, bound to that I do... And always end up getting hurt!

Anyways, I am on the way of making peace with myself. No, I am not at all on the way of becoming a saint. I am just too selfish to leave this materialistic world. I am far too much in love with this world, with its ways, with all the colors, with all the beauty, with all the life. Nahhh, I cant leave all this, not for anything! I am an ardent fan of life and its beauty.

With making peace with myself, I meant to say I am trying to make my heart and brain learn to adapt themselves with the ways of people around me. No, that really doesnt mean I am going to compromise or anything. Will just kind of try to sort out things in my head and rather than torturing myself, will try to smile and let it go:)

Thats the way it should be.

I just hate to screw up my precious days in thinking and going through shit. I mean, its such a small life where every day, every hour counts. I hate to waste even a single min in depression:) At the end, I am going to take only the smiles, laughs and good things and not these screwed up times! So, time wasted is wasted forever and I cant allow that to happen with me:)

Keep smiling and yes, Happy Diwali. Have a noise free, sweet filled, brightening Diwali

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Love...

'I love you', guess these three are most used words in any language, any day. Well, that's what I feel.

But do we realize how deep are these 3 words. What is the meaning of them? What does that mean when you say "I love you" to someone. I feel its a commitment for life. By saying I love to someone, you are indirectly saying that you would be there with that person forever and for always.

Well, I feel very strongly about these words and if I tell "I love you" to someone, I mean it.

I love to tell you 'I love you',
I love to do that again and again,
I love it more, when you say me too,
Yes, I love to tell you 'I love you',
Let me tell you what it means when I say it,
Well it means:
I accept you for the person you are,
I will stand by you even if you are far,
Even through the worst of times,
Even when you don't need me at times,
It means:
Loving you even when you are in an awful mood,
Or tired to do the things that I want you to do,
It means:
Be with you when you feel low,
Stand next to you when feel down,
Or too irritated to even look at me,
And not just when u r fun to be around,
It means:
Knowing all your secrets,
yes, even the ones that are deepest,
I don't judge you on them,
I pretend to understand everything,
It means:
I  care enough to fight for our love,
I care enough to struggle to save what we have,
I love you enough not to let you go,
I love you enough to stand by you in everything you do,
It means:
I would be okay even if you are with someone else,
I would be fine just by seeing you happy and smiling,
It means:
Being with you forever,
Being with you for always...

Feet..... Why do I need you???

Feet.....

Why do I need you???

for when I have wings to fly!


                                                - Frida Kahlo

There is a vitality...

There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost.

             ― Martha Graham

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Every little piece

This one is again for that one person I love more than anybody else in this world: my husband:)



Every little piece of me is in love with you,
Every inch of my soul adores you,
Every tiny bit of my heart worships you,
Every minute thing in me admires you,
I don't know why?
I really don't know why?
But I find you so irresistible,
What I feel for you is beyond madness,
That crazy look of yours,
Is just enough to drag me to your thoughts,
The wild sensation of your voice,
Is just enough to drive me to another world,
That untamed, raw energy of yours,
Oh, It just makes so hard for me to stop,
Your touch takes me to some other place,
That is filled with ecstasy and happiness,
You are the only one who can create,
A fanatical keen desire within my senses,
All I need is just you,
To be there with my soul,
'Coz let me tell this again,
That every little piece of me is in love with you
...


Friday, October 11, 2013

Love... the fatal trap!

Love is like an open cage,
Where you are the one detained,
But still you are unable to fly,
And do you know the reason, why?
You calmly bear all the pain,
Drenched in the sorrow rain,
Still you stay there in serene,
Tied from those love chains,
It takes a hold on you,
It almost kills you everyday,
Still you don't fly away,
Do you know the reason, why?
'Coz love is a fatal trap,
From which it is not easy to flee,
Once you are caught in love's prison,
Baby you just can't break free...

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Storms....

Storms make trees take deeper roots
                                     
                                                       - Dolly Parton

Friday, October 4, 2013

Making sadness fly

Sadness is but a wall between two gardens.
--- Khalil Gibran

There are times when you just feel so low in life. You feel a weird emptiness inside you somewhere. But then we somehow learn to get out of them, naturally and guess, that's why they say life is the best teacher. It teaches you everything automatically and in a very subtle way.

At times, to get out of that depressing phase, that grief and sorrow, it takes a lot. I mean you really need to push yourself. But then at times, just very simple things can make you smile and forget your pains like an amazing combo of a cup of hot coffee and a book, a long drive with your fav song playing on full volume, being with your fav gang, having a nice haircut, wearing your fav dress and this list can really be never lasting.

Life is full of ups and downs but then its us, who should become skilled at managing our course in a particular situation and also to comprehend and realize the best means to achieve that. Its only us who can decipher the finest way to get out of the various twists and turns that life throws at us.

I have now started looking at them as something by which God make me to learn and value the good times:)

They say "Sometimes you must experience a low point in life in order to learn a lesson you wouldn't have learned any other way"

Keep smiling alwaz... In low times, just think this too shall pass and it will surpass

All I need is a cup of coffee
All I need is my fav book
All I need is a soothing breeze
All I need is my fav song
To make the sadness fly
Fly away on the wings of time


Thursday, October 3, 2013

Who you are

Got this somewhere on Facebook today:) And thought to share it... Its b'ful...

Give back my wings



  I beg to the lord,
I beg to this world,
To give back my wings...
That someone has stolen,
For I am nothing without them...
I am just another stone,
With no feelings,
and no emotions,
I am just a piece of bones...

And that is why,
I ask this world
To give back my wings,
That have been stolen...

The most tragic loss

'Death is not the most tragic loss in life....
 
...The most tragic loss is what dies inside while you are still alive!'

I feel so trapped



I feel so trapped,
In the middle of a maze...
My wings are broken,
Got caught in a cage...
My essence is rotten,
My heart carries a rage...
My soul is screaming,
To set free of this plague...


Saturday, September 28, 2013

Hug me tonight

Can you hug me tonight...
Tonight... Hug me tight
But wait...
I don't want just a hug
I need that special one
The one that even hurts
Pick me up... off the ground
Make my feet sling in the air
Till I get cramps in my tummy
Spin me around... twist n turn
Squeeze me hard and so tight
Till I feel dozy and down
Kiss me gently on these lips
Leave me completely breathless
Hold me so close and so tight
That it leave butterflies in my stomach
Tickle me very mildly and softly
That leaves me full of giggling
I want that special hug tonight
Hug that is both wild and sweet

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Come in my dreams... Hold my hands

Come in my dreams
And hold my hands
Look into my eyes
And touch my soul
Hold my hands
and take me away
Take me away
With you somewhere
Create me a new world
World filled with beauty
Come in my dreams
In every dazzling night
Hold my hands
And take me away
Again to the new world
That you would create
World that would be ours
World where our love would blossom
Hold my hands
And take me away

All I seek for...

 
In the middle of this  insanity,
All I am seeking for is peace,
I don't desire for any luxury,
I do not yearn for any affluence,
All I crave for is serenity...
I don't have any longing for the huge cars,
I don't wish for owning any sort of mansions,
All I beg for is tranquility...
I have no hunger left to achieve any  ambition,
I don't aspire anymore to reach my destination,
All I want is to have a fruitful journey...
I don't wish to be a part of the chase,
I don't want to run across in search of my aim,
All I yearn for is just little time to spend with myself...
In the middle of all this scuttle,
All I am in quest of is silence,
Silence that can take me to the world of solace...


Somewhere far away




Somewhere far away in the sunshine, lies my dreams...
Somewhere hidden in my loneliness, lies my solace...
Sometimes being  all alone, with myself is all I need...
Sometimes watching the world, silently gives me peace...
Sometimes a little thought, is enough to drift me away...
Sometimes  dragging myself to oblivion, helps me seeing the hope's ray...
Sometimes drowning in your thoughts, is enough to keep me alive...
Sometimes going far away, from you is all that I desire...
Sometimes, Somewhere far away, in that sky is all I wish to go...
To shine like a bright star and, witnessing the world from the top...
Lying there in peace forever, drowning in the oasis of serenity and happiness... 


Monday, September 16, 2013

Want to...

Want to open my eyes to an endless view,
Want to meet the one, who resides beyond the blue sky,
Want to dance to the music of a fluttering butterfly,
Want to sing along with the sounds of those waves,
Want to wake up in the lap of an old tree,
Want to fly with the wedge in flight...

Sometimes...


Conjuring the devils

Got to watch The Conjuring last night and must say it is really one of the scariest movies I have ever seen!! Guess, scary is a word that is too tiny to be used to describe this movie. Its super frightening, terrifying!

The horror scenes not only haunts you at night but they doesn't even leave you in the daytime. Believe me... I like the way all the usual fears related to supernatural things, that almost everyone face have been used in the movie: like we all, I guess at times get scared of thinking that somebody is behind us, watching us and ready to grab us... Ooopppssss... and the fear that somebody is there under the bed is one thing that bothers everyone:) And the one that somebody might pull your leg while sleeping and all that... The way these typical fears have been demonstrated in this movie is just mind blowing:) Many scenes can give you  goosebumps. So, beware while watching this movie.

However, this post is really not about the movie review. Its about a thought that struck my mind when I got to know that its a true story. Well, that what the makers of this movie are claiming. Knowledge of this thing dragged me into the well of a very weird thought. If ghosts/spirits really do exist and they are so much powerful and so much capable of disturbing somebody's life to an extent that it completely becomes wretched and miserable, then why don't spirit of girls who gets raped come back and revenge their rapist! I wish... I so much wish this could happen and this could have been true... I just took this example here as these days stories of  this crime have become so regular. Rapes have become common and rapists: ubiquitous. Almost every day a case is revealed and its happening in every corner of the country! .. Sometimes, I wonder if a day will come when we all will become used to listening to these stories so much so that we will become immune to them and further cases will not make any difference to us.  Even the cycle of these cases are so well defined. A case happens, it becomes headlines, there is a hype and gradually, the case gets dumped into old files. There are exceptions where the rapists are seriously punished  and that too within a year as it happened recently in Nirbhaya case. But for such exceptions to happen, we need a case like nirbhaya to happen... The sacrifice of a poor girl's life is required in our country to pass quivers within the whole nation. Sad...

If spirits are really there, then why don't the spirits of these people come back and take their revenge from the culprits. Who can give more horrifying, actually justifying punishment to a culprit other than the victim itself. I wish... I wish... I so much wish it was true!!! Nobody could have ever dared to commit such horrendous crime against women.

Few days back, when Mumbai case happened, I got so much disturbed that I wrote few lines on how I feel being a daughter and how my parents would feel. Infact I have 2 sisters who daily travel to around 15 kms to college and they travel every weekend to our native town, I just cannot define the extent of panic that I go through till the time they are in travel. I keep on calling them to make sure they are fine. And just can't rest, till they reach their PG or home. I cannot even imagine what parents of young girls would go through daily when their daughters leave for schools, colleges, jobs... Its indescribable...

I am a daughter,
Daughter who became a burden to her dad,
Not because he can't afford to raise me,
But because he cannot save me,
Save me from the lustful eyes of strangers,
Save me from their cruel intentions,
Save me from those who are ready,
Ready to rip my soul apart,
Ready to slit my innocent heart...
I am a daughter,
Daughter to a dad,
Who feels completely helpless,
To save his little love,
From those merciless and evil devils,
Who are roving around everywhere,
In chance of getting someone to chase,
Chase and then to take her innocence away,
Who turn blind in their craving,
Craving to have a woman without her compliance...
I am a daughter,
A daughter to a mother,
Who is unable to sleep,
Who is unable to breath,
Who is unable to rest,
Who is unable to relax,
Till she takes me in her safe arms,
Till she gets assured that I am back,
A mother who goes through the same struggle every day,
In thinking about me: her little angel,
If I will be safe, going away from her...
Where is the end to this stress?
When will this struggle last?
When will my parents sleep serenely,
When will they live peacefully,
When will they be assured,
That their daughter will be safe,
Where ever she goes, even if its late,
Who is going to end this stress,
Stress that is killing every dad,
Who feels guilty for not able to protect their angels,
From the brutal intentions of the demons in disguise...

I pray a day comes, when we women will be able to roam around freely, as we wish, without any fears, any worries. I wish someday sisters like me do not have to worry about their siblings to reach home safely from college to their PGs, I wish someday all the parents would sleep without worrying about if their daughter is safe outside the premises of their homes...

I wish that day soon arrives...

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Its you... who fill colors in my life

There are those weird days,
When I feel sad and depressed,
When the only color visible to me is blue,
And you are the only one I look up to...
There are those strange days,
When I feel bored and gloomy,
When the only color I can see is black,
And you are the only one who can make everything exciting again...
There are those bizarre days,
When I just lose control over life,
When the only color I can see is grey,
Then you are the one who can bring me back on track...
Then there are those happy days,
When everything looks dazzling and bright,
When the only color visible is red,
And you are the only one I feel like sharing my happiness...
Then there are those brand new days,
When something new and thrilling happens,
When the only color visible is white,
You are the only one I feel like living those days with...
Then there are those beautiful days,
When all I see all around are smiles,
When the only color visible to me is yellow,
And you are the only one who can enhance that beam...
Its only you I can think of,
In sorrow or in happiness,
In grief or in pleasure,
In monotony or in excitement,
In misery or in bliss,
Its only you whom I can think of... in everything...
Its only you who fill colors in my boring life...

This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda

Saturday, September 14, 2013

The first strand of greys

... And I almost got a heart attack this morning when I noticed those first strands of grey hair! Agree they are not the first ones but they are certainly the first prominent strands of grey hair, the sight of which almost took my breath away... Ouuucchhh... I looked at them and I just wanted to scream like those dramatic heroines in old movies "nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii..." I remember Hema Malini doing that in some movie, while releasing her breath in a strange way! Anyways, back to my agony. So, I stood in front of the mirror, looking at my grey color strands and touching them with my finger tips... and touching them again and over again as if the grey color will get back to the color of youth by my touching! I so badly wish it could! I would have taken a day off from work and would have sat in front of the mirror and would have transformed all those strands with that stupid grey color back to black: the color of youth as I declared above! To my chagrin, there was no such option available! Alas, so I have to now start accepting that I am growing old!

I sat on the bed trapped by all sort of scorning feelings of frustration + disappointment +  irritation + depression + annoyance + distress + the thought that my life is finished + I have lost everything.  I felt as if my youth is ditching me. It was meant to stay forever. It was there to stay with me till my last breath! Or else, perhaps I myself deceived myself. How? Because in early 20s I never ever imagined of growing old. I never ever thought of entering into the phase of late 20s and then early 30s, then late 30s.. and I have to stop my counting here else I will again enter into the dungeon of all those stupid negative feelings!

So, I just sat there on the bed thinking about what next. My life is ending and blah blah blah (imagine one of those idiotic Ekta Kapoor's heroines doing some sort of a drama and articulating some brainless dialogue with no head and tail. Yes, I was behaving in the same way today morning! Wait a min, it means there is some logic and truth in those stupid senseless characters of Ekta kapoor! ohhhh... who cares for now!!!)

Anyways, sitting on the bed, drowned in the ocean of forbidden feelings, I called upon my savior. An inner voice of mine, that's what I call it: my savior. I don't know where it resides inside me. Which part of me, she has made her home in: my intestines, liver, kidneys, lungs, heart, legs, knees, elbow, hands?? Don't know. All I know is she (I think it's appropriate to consider your inner voice's sex same as yours)  stays somewhere within me! And dude, she is extremely sensible, rational and wise! She is the one who always save me from doing stupid things , console me,  makes me understand the different complexities of life, suggests me about right and wrong! I don't know from where she received all this prudent and wise intelligence! Not from me, off course!!! At times, I feel amazed at the fact that she is my inner voice! No offense to myself... but I am proud of the fact that I have a super intelligent inner voice! Really!!! Some people do not even have the brainless one. *sign sign*

Anyways, yes so I just closed my eyes for few moments and called upon my inner self to calm me down, to snatch away and throw all these stupid disappointing feelings out of me into some gutter and there she was: my rescuer. The best part of taking a guidance from your inner self is you don't have to explain anything, no need of drama and no need of any hues and cry. She exactly knows what you are going through.

And this time, all I could hear was a simple logic from her which probably I had been grown up listening to: The only thing constant in the world is change! Yes, everything changes, every damn thing. So, how come the youth will remain the same even that has to change so what's the big deal.

Its just a phase I was going through!

Terry Pratchett was so right when he said:
“...inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened.”

And then suddenly I felt better, felt light, relieved and nice! Yes, no burden of growing old, no tension of grey hair: nothing! And then the devil takes the entry: my mind: the horrible creature to mock at me of becoming so restless by just seeing few grey strands! But I know this time my mind was right, I myself had given a chance to it to laugh at me! I became so reckless at that time when I saw those few strands of grey hair, I couldn't even hear my heart that was screaming from somewhere, left side of me: "Stop bothering. Those grey strands are the souvenir of experience. Chill and smile! Accept them gracefully..."... But I couldn't hear its voice in middle of the noise of my own troubles and howls (not the real ones!!!) Poor heart, it would have got a sour throat today by screaming so much!

But then what made me so disturbed? The fact that I am growing old? or I will not be looking good anymore? What is it? I felt embarrassed of my thoughts! Why do we women always live under this heavy burden of looking beautiful, looking good, looking young???

Anyways, probably that's not my mistake. It's the mistake of how our society takes and considers beauty as!  Those stupid beauty products and their ads have actually changed the definition of beauty these days! According to those stupid fair and lovely ads, those santoor ads, those anti ageing ads of ponds and lakme, those hair color products ads beauty is all about flawless and FAIR skin, it's all about looking young! If you consider what these ads shows right, then old people just have no right to believe that they are beautiful because your wrinkles, your grey hair doesn't give you that luxury to afford!!!

That hair color ad, where Karishma Kapoor asks "do you know why I use hair color?"... She states few reasons, one of which is "off course to look young"... and that ad of santoor where a lady is shown with a baby gal (I wonder why santoor ads has never ever taken a baby boy... Don't they deserve young beautiful moms! Poor guys), where she shouts "mummmmyyyyyy..." and everybody around is astonished and surprised to know that it's her own baby! The OMG moment and I will not even take the pain of describing those brainless, senseless, irritating fair and lovely ads where just by getting a fair skin, a lady is shown winning some race, becoming an anchor, becoming a commentator and becoming a astronaut <ok! this was my imagination> But don't you get surprised if fair & lovely even launches the astronaut ad. The model in the ad will be rejected while she is dark and will be selected as an astronaut after becoming fair because probably, aliens love fair skin people - opppsss girls! and tada tada tada... What is the connotation of these professions with fair skin? Even fair & lovely's owner will not be able to explain! I can bet. God knows what all successful careers and professions, fair & lovely will grant to all those poor dark girls (these ads represents them this way only, in a sympathetic way!), by just making them fair!!!! Gosh!!! Why don't our Govt ban these ads...

Yeah, so we as a society have really forgotten the real meaning of beauty. The definition these days only revolves around looking young, looking fair, having flawless skin, black hair and that's it. Is it the real beauty? Do only the outer looks define real beauty? I don't think so! Beauty: that's a very intense and a powerful word: it includes everything! Its a whole package: of looking beautiful (the way you carry yourself and not the looks and all that crap), your attitude, your conduct, your manners, your way of seeing the world, your approach of looking at yourself... and yes, age has nothing to do with it. Look at the timeless beauty like Rekha, Sharmila Tagore, Vahida Rehman (she is myu fav!) and Meryl Streep! These women are just ageless beauties... They got old so gracefully. They embraced their age so beautifully and so, they are still charming and heart throbbing!

Without all the attributes, real beauty can never be perfectly and completely defined by just the looks, never!

Anyways, for now, I have decided to age gracefully and happily:) No regrets, no tensions, no stress
I will follow what my heart said during the morning phase of trauma, "Age is just one of the souvenirs of experience." In fact, Ageing is also referred to as ‘Blues’ and ‘Blue’ is a color, strangely made out of two highly controversial and extreme mixes – the color of a deep sea and the color of the highest sky… So, yes, truly, number of years in age can also be defined as a measurement of the depth and height of your experience with life!

So, chill, smile and age gracefully :D And growing age doesn't mean you also have to grow up:D. I am gonna  live on my old mantra again (which Baba Bryan Adams gave to everyone), 18 till I die!!!

Even Carroll Bryant said:
“Growing old is mandatory. Growing up is optional.”

Friday, September 13, 2013

I sin to find peace

Steeped in despair,
Swathed in anxiety,
Draped in anguish,
I sin to find peace somewhere...
Mired in morbidity,
Adorned in dejection,
Wrapped in sadness,
I sin to find peace at some place...
I sin...
To clear these clouds of grief,
To take me to the river of bliss,
I sin...
To snatch away all my squeamishness,
To fill my soul with boldness,
I sin...
To whip away all my weaknesses irreversibly,
To make my inner self audacious irrevocably,
I sin...
I do sin to find peace somewhere...
That will make me strong and sturdy,
To stand against this world,
And to face them boldly...

I set my wings on fire

I set my wings on fire; When darkness takes over this earth,
I set my wings on fire; When all the doors gets closed,
I set my wings on fire; When everything is encircled by dire strait,
I set my wings on fire; When life looks empty and bare,
I set my wings on fire; When my heart gets ached,
I do set my wings on fire; to fly me away,
Away somewhere from this despair,
Away to some far off place,
To fairies and angel's palace,
To the lands of love,
To the planet of care,
Somewhere far off,
To a distant place,
Away from all the pain and misery,
To a place where love is in the air,a
And happiness resides in its every corner...

I just wanna be the girl...

Wrote this one for my husband whom I love more than anything and who means everything to me:

I hurt him, I give him pain but all I know is I can't live without him and nothing matters to me in this world more than him...

He is the one who makes me feel special, who makes me feel out of this world by every single touch, whose smile can make me forget all the stress, whose words can take me to another amazing world, whose one look is enough to take away my breath, whose one smile can lift my feet off the ground, whose happiness is more than enough to spin me around, whose love is just enough to drive me crazy:

I just wanna be the girl you talk about,
The only one you couldn’t live without,
The one about whom you say to this world
She’s my baby, she's my girl...
I just wanna be the girl you think about,
The one that takes your breath away,
The one with whom you want to spend
all your nights and all your days...
I just wanna be the girl you care about,
The only one with whom you share your joy and your pain,
The one that would reside in your heart
forever and for always...
I just wanna be the girl that makes you happy,
The one that makes your heart beat fast,
The one that brings a smile on your face
and ecstasy to your heart...
I just wanna be your girl,
I just wanna be your mate,
I just wanna be your soul,
I just wanna be everything you care for...
I just wanna be loved...
I just wanna be loved...
Loved forever and for always...

Sunday, September 8, 2013

I go round and round

Juggling my dreams in the sky,
Spinning my happiness around,
Lifting my feet above the ground,
I go round and round till my breath last..
Playing hide and seek with the clouds,
Talking incessantly with the glittering stars,
Sharing all I have with the shining moon,
I fly high and high till my wings are all worn out...
Fluttering along with those b'ful butterflies,
Laughing my heart out with those flowers,
Gossiping with those chirping birds,
I smile and smile till everything gets brighten up...
These are my friends,
They are ones for whom I care,
They are the ones who make me smile,
They are the ones who really care for what I love,
They are the ones who can take me to miles...

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Love...


All that I want

Love is all I have,
You are all I want,
Holding your hands,
is all I crave for,
Your lap is all,
where I wanna rest,
Your eyes are all,
I wanna dive in,
Your words are all,
that I wanna hear,
You are all I want,
You are all I crave for,
You are all my heart yearn for...

Come away with me...

Come away with me,
and I will take you to the city of dreams...

Come away with me,
And I will give all that you need...

Come away with me,
And I will write you a lovely song...

Come away with me,
And I will give you all that you have been craving for...

Come away with me,
And I will sketch you a beautiful picture...

Come away with me,
And I will fill your life with colors...

Come away with me,
Holding my hand,
Somewhere far I will take you,
And I will never let you go...

Monday, August 19, 2013

And U.P continues to bleed...

Me and mom were having our general gossip session over phone, few days back. We were just generally talking about the social and political situation in U.P. BTW, don't get surprised, that's one of our favorite topics! We both love to talk about politics:)

Anyways, so she told me about the situation that U.P is currently in: its messy, its chaotic and completely sad. Its not that this is something new. U.P had been in this messy situation from years now. That's what I was feeling surprised as in why Mom is cribbing about it this time. I mean I have grown up there and have been seeing that place in this poor situation since then. And I also thought and realized that people had actually stopped expecting anything from any new CM, whether it is Mayawati or Mulayam or anybody else for that matter. It stopped mattering to them. They knew that the claims made before the elections would again prove to be a delusion. Infact, People just stopped feeling sad and disheartened at the false claims and at the worsening situation of U.P.

But then Mom explained me as to why they are feeling the pinch. This time, the case is different. People are really disappointed, yes they are feeling deceived, they are feeling that tweak of pain of getting fooled again, this time by a new young lad called Akhilesh Yadav.

And that's because they really had big hopes from this chap. They thought he is young, dynamic, energetic, he is aggressive, progressive in thinking, studied in Australia, talks senses in his speech. And this was the only reason why they gave chance to Mulayam Singh's party again.

Otherwise, everybody knows that Mayawati's rule is far better than Mulayam's. Atleast the crime rate is less and that's what people are concerned about. They really do not bother how much money who is making. Everybody does that in politics. All they want is a secured life. In Malayam's rule, crime just goes to peak and there is just nobody to control. U.P becomes more like a jungle in his rule and so, people prefer Mayawati over him.

Anyways, but this time they thought to give a chance to young blood. They thought this guy is going to do something good for their state. Everyone was enthusiastic and hopeful when he was sworn in the state's youngest CM. He appeared to be a complete and overall package to the people. Despite the fact that everybody had apprehensions because of his controversial father. But even then everyone was just tempted to give this bright eyed, passionate lad a shot at transforming all that was foul and fetid in U.P. People thought he would clean up the rot, he would give a new direction but alas, even he proved to be one of his forefathers. The noises that he made in the initial days, the promises all proved to be a fallacy... Again!!!  He just proved to be a mere puppet to his dad. Infact he was just a card that was played by Mulayam to win the elections.

Really much was expected from Akhilesh Yadav. He was even being talked of as the next big thing – a future Prime Minister . In our enthusiasm and desperation of a good and young leader, we forgot his roots, his biggest influence or rather idol – his father. And Akhilesh himself  made it more than evident that he is no different.

The way he blew up everything was mind blowing! Actually, people of U.P got aware of his misleading notions quite early but even the rest of India got to know the hypocrisy, incompetency of this lad by Durga Shakti Nagpal's case. His crude and rude or rather let me say foolish response and reaction to this case, exposed him and his arrogance to the world!

Durga was merely doing her job, and was doing it amazingly well. She is, I guess amongst those very few honest Govt officers who really carry this urge to do something, to change the system but then, how can politicians bear such a person. And she was made a target of an organized campaign. The problem is  Akhilesh had not calculated that the repercussions would be so drastic, that Durga would get nationwide support and that too in such a ferocious way from all sides: from media, common janta, IAS officers, everybody was there supporting her and asking for justice and demanding answers from U.P Govt

One of SP's netas (sorry, I feel embarrassed to use the word 'leader' here) had the audacity to suggest that U.P. can do without IAS officers. I mean just imagine the height of arrogance of netas in U.P!  All local netas are just drunk on their position and power. And guess what, the minister is still there "serving the nation"... Opppsss, sorry "serving his and his master's pockets"

This time, Akhilesh has really gone too far in testing the patience of people. His party, SP is surely going to face huge damage in long run.

Nonetheless, U.P.’s track record when it comes to transfer of officers is not great, its staggeringly bad. The reasons behind these transfers being the officers’ inflexible stand to refuse to play ball with politicians.

Anyways, I wonder what's wrong with our young blood: Rahul Gandhi, Akhilesh Yadav, Varun Gandhi, Sachin Pilot, Jyotiraditya Scindia. Nobody has been able to prove themselves. They seems to be influencing, promising initially but as soon as they get into power, everything changes. They just become a mere chip to the old system.

Poor young India feels sad and depressed, or rather embarrassed, led down and disappointed by the incompetency of these so called young leaders. What amazing young leaders we have: Akhilesh: puppet of his dad and Rahul Gandhi: Puppet of his mom! So, basically all we have are daddy's and mommie's boys in politics. India is grown up, don't know when these lads will!!!

Sunday, August 18, 2013

And the mountains echoed: Khaled Hosseini

I finished reading "And the mountains echoed" by Khaled Hosseini.

Let me begin by getting you acquainted with the fact that I am a huge-huge fan of this one author. He is simply remarkable. With his books, I just have no patience to wait and read it leisurely. I mean, be it Kite Runner, be it The thousand splendid suns or be it this latest one, I have finished them all in a span of just 2-3 days! Even I feel astonished and wonder from where do I manage to steal time for his books! I have no idea and genuinely, I have no idea! I just leave everything and surrender myself completely to his books. Man, they have that power, that amazing command over you. The story just engulfs you and something continuously keeps on poking you from inside to know the story ahead.

Anyways, back to the review of the book. It is good but only if you do not have the same expectations of Kite Runner from it.

I loved the way it started. It began with a bedtime tale being told to two children, Abdullah and Pari, by their father. The story is just beautiful and immediately gets resided in your heart. The story of Abdullah and Pari, who are brother and sister and just have a very special bond between them, is not at all captured effectively! Hosseini just got diverted and concentrated too much on other stories. Abdullah and Pari just didn't get the kind of attention they really deserved and thus, Hosseini deprived the reader of really feeling their pain, their love, their bond, their relationship. Which is a pity. Really! These two characters had the power, the potential which was just not at all explored and was, infact wasted

No doubt the writing is amazing, as usual. But somehow, this book doesn't have that same enchanting magic, that Hosseini 's previous 2 had. There is something, some link missing in this one.

Guess the problem is, it becomes too stretched in between somewhere and thats probably because Hosseini, this time experimented with putting in too many stories and that too, with an exhaustive description. He took his own time in describing each and every detail of the story of too many characters (almost the complete life). Too many tales have been woven and have been forced to put under one umbrella. And this is what created the whole mess. Attimes, you just feel lost. Infact, all the stories are so strong in themselves that they all have the capacity to be individual books, and that too very easily.

However, all the stories mentioned in this book are just amazing and superb. All of them carry a sort of unique essence and something special.  Though all the stories have something or the other, that is very depressing and very miserable, again which I did not appreciate much. Infact all of them carries an unbearable, intolerable sadness 

Needless to say that all the characters and stories had some or the other link with Afghanistan. And as done in his previous books as well, the story very well explains the complete era of wars, battles and exploitation that this country had gone through, the transformation and changes that its people have seen. But the good or rather surprising part is you read this in all the books of Hosseini, still you don't feel mundane, rather you feel a strong surge of pain within you for the people of Afghanistan, for the loss that they have incurred and that too, without any mistake of theirs.

Nonetheless, once you start this book, it's hard to put it down. Its definitely good for one read:) Go ahead, it will definitely not disappoint you:) Just do not carry the expectations of the same magic that Kite Runner had. And you will like it:)

Keep smiling...

Monday, August 12, 2013

We, women are indeed hard to understand

It is difficult to understand a woman - you must have surely heard men cribbing about this more often. Yes sir, we are hard to understand. The point is we women, ourselves are unable to understand our wiring system, the way our brains and hearts have been structured, why do we do certain things, why do we behave in certain pre defined ways, why are we so unpredictable. We are still on the verge of finding answers to these terrible questions about ourselves. How can you expect yourself to find out the answers?

“I'm tough, I'm ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay.”
― Madonna


Is it that lately, I have started writing too much about women? May be, I have been dealing with a lot of them these days:) I just love and appreciate our energy, passion, multitasking abilities. We are, no doubt wonderful. But then, I believe there are few things where we really become too hard for people around us to understand.

Anyways, this one is completely based on my personal experience: the enormous amount of mistakes that I do while dealing with my friends and family. I lately found out how difficult I could be at times, for my friends and family to bear (yes, this is the word I 'have' to use: bear!). I give them tough time man! But there are few things a part of which, I noticed almost every woman carries. Its a part of us, its imbedded into us.

And BTW, I have also met some of the 'perfect' women, who just come without any sort of drama and complications! They are sensible, less emotional, no-drama and blah blah. Hats off you ladies. I wonder how you manage to do that. I mean its like reworking and rearranging your whole wiring system:) But being on the other side: the imperfect side doesn't make us bad at all. Haa!

“Well-behaved women seldom make history.”
― Laurel Thatcher Ulrich, Well-Behaved Women Seldom Make History


In below lines, we/I: denotes me or few superb and amazing women I know:) You/your: denote the people around: family and friends

Anyways, let me begin this whole thing by an art that we, women master: Drama! We women just love this one word:) We would love you, we would do anything for you but you commit one single mistake (how so ever minute it is, we don't care), we will never let you forget it. We very well know how to create a gigantic scene out of that:) How so ever petty the issue is! Our drama is epic. And most of the times, it is pointless and baseless, yet it is  classic. We have created a niche in this segment and we completely dominate it

We have a very sharp memory as far as keeping the record of your mistakes are concerned. Infact I think we have a separate block in our mind to track and keep account of your blunders and slip-ups! We would never ever leave a chance of digging out the dust of your mistakes from the past and throwing them on your face whenever you try to mess up with us! For us, mistake done once is a mistake done forever. We will never forget it and will also never let you forget it. Oooouuuuccchhhhh.....

“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.”
― Robert A. Heinlein


Moody! Yes, thats what we women are. Actually, its our mood that is to be blamed for how we behave. Let me take my example here:)... You might be the closest person to me, but if I am in a bad mood, I would not at all feel bad or think twice to give you a piece of my mind (that too without any mistake of yours)..I become irrational or rather, neurotic  so stay away in such times. But if my mood is good, I would love you like anything, I would become my adorable self. If I am in no mood of talking, I would ignore you very deliberately. So, our mood swings are just awesome and our family and friends have to live with them.<need a place to hide>

“I would always rather be happy than dignified.”
― Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre


There are times when people around us are busy and have no time (genuinely -  that we don't understand) for anything or for anybody (but we will think it only an 'excuse' exclusively for us). We can never take this easily boy. First of all, we would think that they are deliberately ignoring us and making an excuse. *i know your eye brows are raised*. And we would cook such several insane stories (going to terrible extents) in our mind and create such dramatic plots in our heads that are just wretched and would give Ekta Kapoor or Ramsay brother (Horror show, remember) a shame or rather, competition. Then, we torture ourselves using those groundless stories and you: you are the one who has to suffer the pain and bear the consequences of those cooked up awful stories (Sorry!!!). Why are we so complicated God! haaa....

Our heart: now, apart from doing the normal daily chores like pumping blood and keeping us alive, it also carries the responsibility of taking over few roles of our brain. We think, imagine, envision and act through our heart. Come on, thats true! We act without using our brains. And this is where men take away all the points from us because we are just unbeatable  in thinking and acting without brains.

We, women are amazing, superb, awesome, wonderful, remarkable and everything but we can be terrible at times. But then, that is how we are wired! We can be cold and obnoxious; squabbling; wrangling, bickering, hard to handle, tough to understand, drama queens, a baggage full of complications, we could be loud and screaming but that just doesn't mean we care anything less.

I guess, all the above is actually a part of showing that we love and we care:)

So, never ever get into understanding a woman. Dude, that can be perilous because you will get stuck in a process of figuring us out.

Just enjoy being with us:)

“Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.”
― Nora Ephron